Tuesday, December 25, 2007

My Gift To You

Even Mean Girls are nice on Christmas.

Baddest Ass Sandwich of All-Time?

Photo Courtesy: Zaxby's Official Website

The Kickin' Chicken Sandwich at Zaxby's is maybe the greatest thing ever...maybe. 782 calories of chicken finger, ranch, hot sauce, and Texas toast fuckin goodness. Whatever the ranch and hot sauce (apparently Tongue Torch) mix is, just go ahead and put that on everything I eat. Pour that shit in a bowl and I will fill it with Lucky Charms or Cap'n Crunch and enjoy a delicious breakfast experience. In addition, you get an extra 375 calories worth of fries with the sandwich when you order the meal and you just end up dipping the fries in the ranchy hot slop that comes out of your sandwich anyway. Despite the fact that the sauce Zaxby's offers with all of it's food, Zax Sauce, is fucking delicious. So delicious that Zaxby's charges extra for it. And no matter what else you order from Zaxby's, you end up dipping that shit in the Zax Sauce, unless you get a Kickin' Chicken Sandwich. In that case, you don't even touch the Zax Sauce. You just dip everything...Fries, Toast, Pickle, Straw from drink, Cock. You dip it all in the sauce that oozes out of your Kickin' Chicken Sandwich.

For those who don't know, Zaxby's is a franchised restaurant which specializes in delicious chicken. It can be found in Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, and Virginia. If you live in one of these states, go get a Kickin' Chicken Sandwich...immediately. If you don't reside in the Southeast, take a road trip. Seattle to Knox-Vegas is only 2,622 miles for god's sake. And it would be worth it. You might even sit down and to your surprise, get to enjoy a meal next to Phil Fulmer devouring a Big Zax Snak Meal or one of the Clipboard Clausen Brothers eating a fucking Zalad. That's right, a salad at Zaxby's is called a ZALAD, and if you order one, you are either extremely homo or a member of the extended Clausen/Colquitt family. I think Ricky recently married his high school sweetheart Dustin. Sorry...anyway, just eat this shit and ENJOY!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Albert Clifford Slater Wishes You a Merry Christmas and Brandon Cox Supplies the Gifts...Again

"Years from now no matter where we traveled, We'll all look back and think about our friends."

I don't think Brandon Claus...I mean Cox has to shop this Christmas. He already threw 8 gifts under the tree.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Cheap Abortion

Dude, age 15, was playing football at a Boys & Girls Club in the great Broward County, Florida, when his pregnant female friend, apparently playing the Y-receiver position, walked up to him and was probably complaining about how hungry she was or Keyshawning about not getting the ball enough. So he did what any great sandlot leader would do when they see the SAM linebacker blitzing while the D is showing Cover 2, and called called a pre-snap audible. He tapped his head twice to indicate a 2-Route. Slot receiver. Quick slant. Just like Marino taught him down there in South Florida. Well, the kid is only 15...so...just like Jay Fiedler taught him. The ball hit the bitch right in the numbers and she dropped it like it was a crying toddler.

Once again, this kid is a natural leader. So he clapped his hands, patted her on the butt, and told her she would get another chance. Every 15-year-old girl makes mistakes. Especially this one. I mean she is pregnant for fuck's sake. Showing great faith in his teammate, the girl he has been going to war with day in and day out at that Ft. Lauderdale Boys & Girls Club, he calls her number again on the next play. Bunch formation. Bubble screen. All we need is 4 yards. With blockers set up, he unleashes an Elway-esque cannon right at her stomach. The result...Dead baby! Homicide?

It turns out the kid actually Roger Stau-borted this poor girls unborn baby. He hit her in the stomach with a football...Twice!!! And this tragically induced a premature labor. Now the boy is being taken to court as if he is the next Mike Vick. It's not like he killed a dog. He showed great trust in a teammate...in a friend. And this is how he gets rewarded? Unbelievable.

Source: Football Hits Pregnant Teen, Baby Dies