Friday, December 21, 2007

Cheap Abortion

Dude, age 15, was playing football at a Boys & Girls Club in the great Broward County, Florida, when his pregnant female friend, apparently playing the Y-receiver position, walked up to him and was probably complaining about how hungry she was or Keyshawning about not getting the ball enough. So he did what any great sandlot leader would do when they see the SAM linebacker blitzing while the D is showing Cover 2, and called called a pre-snap audible. He tapped his head twice to indicate a 2-Route. Slot receiver. Quick slant. Just like Marino taught him down there in South Florida. Well, the kid is only 15...so...just like Jay Fiedler taught him. The ball hit the bitch right in the numbers and she dropped it like it was a crying toddler.

Once again, this kid is a natural leader. So he clapped his hands, patted her on the butt, and told her she would get another chance. Every 15-year-old girl makes mistakes. Especially this one. I mean she is pregnant for fuck's sake. Showing great faith in his teammate, the girl he has been going to war with day in and day out at that Ft. Lauderdale Boys & Girls Club, he calls her number again on the next play. Bunch formation. Bubble screen. All we need is 4 yards. With blockers set up, he unleashes an Elway-esque cannon right at her stomach. The result...Dead baby! Homicide?

It turns out the kid actually Roger Stau-borted this poor girls unborn baby. He hit her in the stomach with a football...Twice!!! And this tragically induced a premature labor. Now the boy is being taken to court as if he is the next Mike Vick. It's not like he killed a dog. He showed great trust in a teammate...in a friend. And this is how he gets rewarded? Unbelievable.

Source: Football Hits Pregnant Teen, Baby Dies


2 comments:

Chapter H said...

That made me cry. Hilarious.

Red Dastard said...

You need to add Stau-bort to Urban Dictionary.