Every Now and Then a Wild Bird Attack Story Comes Along That is too Good to be True

Photo Courtesy: NoMaas.org

Unfucking believable. You remember your middle school field trips, right? Playing "The Nervous Game" on the bus. Throwing egg salad sandwiches at the white trash bus driver. Watching monkeys j' off at the zoo. We've all had our fair share of school-sponsored escapades. But nothing, and I mean nothing, can top this fucking story.

"A 13-year-old girl touring Fenway Park on a school trip was attacked by Curt Schilling's Everquest Character a resident red-tailed hawk that drew blood from her scalp Thursday."

The poor 13-year-old victim's name? ... Alexa Rodriguez. That's right. Alexa Rodriguez, of glove-slapping, "I got it" fame - purple lips and all. This smells of a Curt Schilling Everquest spell gone terribly wrong.

'Now back to the World Of Norrath. Schilling's EverQuest habit came to light after a 2001 game when his former Philadelphia Phillies teammate Doug Glanville hit two homers off of Schilling, who had just joined the Arizona Diamondbacks. Glanville explained to a writer for ESPN.com that the homers were payback for Schilling's role in the death of Bing-bong, Glanville's beloved, dwarven paladin. Glanville's tale: 'One day, Schill was playing his character, Cylc, and he asked me to team up with him in Faydwer, in the zone of the Butcherblock Mountains, to kill Aviaks, which are basically walking birds.' The pair encountered danger, according to Glanville, and Schilling ran away: 'I vowed revenge on the soul of Bingbong, for the negligent actions of Cylc." Hence the two homers.'

Oh. My. God.

Source: Hawk swoops from Fenway Park railing, attacks girl on school tour.

No really! I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. Look for yourself.

Photos via: AP.