Thursday, January 10, 2008

Career .314 Slugging Percentage's Can Jump

In 2004, a 22-year-old outfielder was called up by the Devil Rays...and he was. FAST. However, he was RAW-er than Eddie Murphy. Although I have always liked Joey Gathright, he isn't really that good. He did try and kick Julian Tavarez'ez's ass one spring training which was pretty awesome. I mean he is a pretty good defensive outfielder (great glove/weak arm) who can steal bases, but a lefty slap-hitter who can run a 4.4 should PRO-BOB-ly have a better career OBP than .333! Especially considering his strikeout numbers aren't great, but it's not like he is Jeff Francoeur at the plate. In nearly 2500 AB's combined between the minors and bigs, Gathright has 2 career HR's. Jason Tyner ain't got shit on Joey G. In June of 2006, Gathright was traded to the Royals for J.P Howell, and he posted decent numbers last year. He hit .341 in AAA with 25 steals in 60 games. In KC, he hit .307 and his OPS finally climbed above .700. And he is only 25, but let's be honest - he is what he is...And I'm here to tell you what he is. A BADASS mother fucker! Joey Gathright may never become a great major league player, but he is already better than me or you will ever be. He can...wait for it...JUMP CARS. Not like Grave Digger or some other hillbilly with a truck jumping - I'm saying like ManJump. Mario over a Gorilla's barrel jump. He was allegedly only offered a baseball contract after one lucky scout saw this amazing feat. Gathright claims he could break Mike Powell's 1991 long jump world record if he wanted to. But I mean seriously, would you rather waste your time trying to break a worthless long-jump record or play major league baseball? Even though you suck! I too would rather just play baseball and jump cars and bang girls. Here's to you for making the right choice Joey Gathright. My new favorite athlete!

Rays Tales

BTW, Nice glasses playa.

Tip: Ray's Anatomy

Apparently the Royals love this shtuff. After the 1992 season, only a month after he made an error on a David Justice ground ball in the bottom of the 9th inning of Game 7 of the NLCS that led to the eventual Francisco Cabrera, Sid Bream, Barry Bonds play, the Kansas City Royals traded for Pirates 2B Chico Lind. Jose Lind was a historically-terrible hitter. 9 HR's in 3,677 career AB's. A .295, that's right, .295 career OBP. A classic Puerto Rican cocaine habit. And a Joey Gathright-like career .316 slugging percentage. But what else was Chico Lind know for? You guessed it - ManJumping. We all (?) remember Cocaine Lind jumping over players and announcers made famous by the 1991 Upper Deck card depicting this feat.

Lastly, this is a plea to my friend ScottyMac...You have jumped everything. At school, you once jumped from the roof of one trailer to the roof of another. TWICE. You jumped off of a 20-foot high deck to escape a fat slob who was squirreling on your nuts. And you didn't get hurt. You just frog-hopped right back on your feet. It could have been the 10 Valium you ate. Or it could be that you too can ManJump. And you have an affinity for cocaine that can only be rivaled by Jose Lind. Dayton Moore, please sign my friend. I promise he can put together a season with a Billy Beane-esque .295 OBP.

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