Thursday, January 17, 2008

World's Greatest Humanitarian Strikes Again

Adam Jones once again proves he is undoubtedly the World's Greatest Humanitarian. "Bloodied or Bruised? It's your choice." Seems as though, unlike my brother - who surprising and regrettingly chose bloodied, this broad went with the latter.

Sorry Timmy Hardaway. I know you too tried your hardest, no homo, to be a great humanitarian. Between the bi-weekly visits to the soup kitchen and the gay-bashing, it is true - you used to be somebody. But Ben Miller HONE-est-ly, you and your Aesop's fabled crossover have been replaced atop the list for a while now. (By the way, this is an actual card from 1991)

In 2003, I fell in love with a man. Yea, I said it! His name just happened to be Pacman. As a sophomore at West Vag, he was in on every tackle - Gibril Wilson style. He was making plays all over the field on D in addition to returning both punts and kicks. That season, there was a game against Miami, who finished 12-0 and made it to the national championship game, where Pac was THE man. He made every tackle. Miami kept moving Kellen Winslow around, motioning him, lining him up in the slot or out wide and WVU kept manin' him up with Jones. He kept jamming Winslow at the line and they kept talkin shiot and getting SEC-like "MAN" physical - hand to hand, Honor Roll Gangster to Fucking Soldier "we don't care about anybody but this U" combat stylee. He even Pacman Jones'ed a Hoe on Winslow.

Pacman also picked Brock Berlin in the endzone before half.

And after Quincy Wilson broke 3 tackles and then man-destroyed safety Brandon Merriweather on a screen pass and housed it with two minutes to go, it looked like WVU was going to win.

But then Winslow made this ridickilous catch on 4th and 13...

and Miami marched down the field and of course, kicked a go-ahead field goal. And then, got a game-sealing pick from the late Sean Taylor to preserve 22-20 victory and save their national title hopes...and...umm...what's the opposite of save? Willis McGahee's knee.

It's a real shame that Pacman now spits on / five across the eyes bitches on a regular basis. It's kinda hard to like a guy like that. But, at least he is consistent. I think Vince Lombardi or Dan Reeves, or maybe it was Ray Handley who once said CONSISTENCY is the main key to playing winning football.


Red Dastard said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Red Dastard said...

I like your obscure references. You should have called this 'The Dennis Miller Blog'.