David Eckstein Primed for Huge Season

A woman in Kentucky gave birth to a baby. No big deal, right? Well, it turns out the baby is already as big as her mother. Hwaaaahhh? You may be confused, but don't worry. If David Eckstein can win a World Series MVP, anything is possible. This friggin' guy is a two-time All-Star, a two-time World Series champion, and finished 11th in the 2002 AL MVP voting. So it is no surprise that a 28 1/2 inch woman who cruises around all day in a tricked-out Hoveround birthed a comparatively giant baby. Watch the video.

Eddie Gaedel rolled over in his grave and came storming through Kevin Costner's cornfield when he heard this story. I mean, wouldn't you feel slighted if they chose Moonlight Graham to be the focal point of an American movie classic instead of you. At least Eddie has a 1.000 OBP. What the fuck did Archie Graham ever do? Stand on deck with a donut on his bat? Wow! 3 foot 7 and full of fury, Eddie Gaedel killed Ray Kinsella, his whiny daughter, and their imaginary friends while they slept quietly in their rural Iowa home.

I know I already have Hanley Ramirez, but eff it. I'm taking David Eckstein with the first pick in my fantasy draft because God has shown me that 2008 is the year of the little people.