gameCock Face Still Dreaming of Yesteryears

Photo Courtesy: OnlineAthens.com

Hey Spurrier, if I were you, I'd spend more time worrying about keeping your players on the field and out of jail and less time remembering your old glory days with Florida.

When asked about Georgia and LSU, Spurrier responded,“I told people that when I was at Florida, we beat both of them 11 out of 12.”

Really? I told Jimmy you're still a douche. Want some proof?



Meanwhile, Georgia played their annual G-Day Spring Game...

Red tops Black in low scoring scrimmage - Red and Black
Checking in from Georgia's Spring Scrimmage - SportingNews.com
UGA's spring game draws praise from coach - SportingNews.com
Caleb King dazzles crowd at G-Day - Atlanta Journal Constitution
Analyzing the Dogs after spring practice - Atlanta Journal Constitution
Notebook: Moore makes a strong case - Athens Banner Herald
Bulldogs offense shines at G-Day - Chattanooga Times Free Press

Here are the highlights. Please mute the video unless one of the Baha Men is actually reading this. In that case, you can listen to your terrible song while Caleb King spins out of tackles, Asher Allen sticks people in the open field, and Mike Moore hauls in a few TD's.

I Love Speed

And this guy is FAST. (Thanks to Throwing Into Traffic)



That's former ECU Running Back and NFL Combine star Chris Johnson. Sure, he's not in his Timberlands and sweats like this guy...



Ryuuuuken. Nevertheless, he is still the fastest mothereffer I have seen since this crew. He runs a GPA in the 40. Good luck catching this guy in open space. NFL Defensive Backs beware, there is no good angle to take on Chris Johnson.

Georgia is Better Than the Houston Rockets

Photo Courtesy: AP - Bill Haber

Dennis Felton talks about winning the SEC Championship and playing Xavier.

...and in Georgia football news, LB Marcus Washington will undergo shoulder surgery and is most likely out for the season. Time to man up Dewberry.

If I Liked Dudes...I'm Just Saying

Here is a great article on my BFF Robbie Cano. And just so my other boyfriend doesn't get jealous, here you are Hanley. And Gibril you can take your money and run because, "I still don't have the reason. And you don't have the time. And it really makes me wonder if I ever gave a fuck about you." JK. I still <3 U! Good luck in Oakland.

And if you have ever wondered what a conversation between Kurt Warner and Jon Kitna would sound like, Kissing Suzy Kolber has supplied the answer. It is hilarious!

Thanks For the Favre, Brett

The last throw of Brett Favre's career was his best. Thanks for a great career. Between the Vicodin, ill-advised throws, silly scrambles, and post-game interviews with a dip in your mouth, you still somehow managed to leave the game as one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time and more importantly, one of the greatest Americans ever.

Say It Ain't So...The Gibril Wilson Sweepstakes Begins Today. And Jeff Garcia Has a New "Partner"

Today is the first day for NFL teams to sign free agents and Gibril Wilson is currently taking calls from potential suitors. The NY Post claims the Giants are preparing for Wilson's departure. We here at CPC would be devastated if Gibril goes elsewhere. Here is what else has happened so far.

* After the Jets granted Jonathan Vilma the right to seek a trade to anyone but the Patriots, the Saints pounced and traded an undisclosed draft pick for the former Pro-Bowl linebacker.

* Jerry Porter finally walked the plank and got the hell out of Oak-town signing a six-year, $30 million contract with Jacksonville. The Jaguars also swapped a sixth round draft pick with the Vikings in exchange for speedy receiver Troy Williamson.

* The Bills signed LB Kawika Mitchell fresh off a Super Bowl season with the Giants. Candy Painted Cadillacs and Giants fans everywhere wish you the best of luck. Lots of late-night bowling and ugly girls up there in Buffalo.

* The Cleveland Browns re-signed Derek Anderson to a three-year deal worth between $24 million to $26 million. I guess Brady Quinn will continue to have plenty of time to make terrible commercials and go out and get in drunken confrontations with the gays of Columbus.

* The Bengals must miss Bid Daddy Dan Wilkinson because they traded a third and a fifth-round pick to acquire 340 pound raw-meat eating Shaun Rogers from the Lions. They also reached a three-year agreement with linebacker and bow-tie enthusiast Dhani Jones.

* A kicker retired. Hey Morten Anderson, did you hear that? A kicker retired.

* The Falcons re-signed...hahahaha...re-signed Chris Redman. Hahahahaha. DJ Shockley threw a party when he heard this news.

* Tedy Bruschi's heart, or what's still left of it, is still in New England and he decided to sign a multiyear contract with the Pats.

* The Bucs made former Saint Jeff Faine the highest paid Center in football. Does he know who their quarterback is? Faine is praying the Bucs will run a 90% shotgun orientated offense. Do you really want Jeff Garcia's hands on your junk 75 times every Sunday? And what about practice? Garcia usually asks to take extra snaps after everyone else has left the practice field, so beware Faine. Guard your Faint. Guard your Faint.

* Asante Samuel visited with the last-place Eagles. Santa Claus immediately called and warned Asante he had better be worth the $10 million a year that he is asking for.

Who's Bad?

I am. Yes, sir. Me Strong. Bad. Man.



and Fast.



Real. Fast. in Game. Forcefield.

Save Your $10. I've Got Your Thursday Crack Fix...College Football

The NFL Combine is here. Today we got to watch Offensive Linemen and Tight Ends weigh-in wearing only their underwear, and it was Awes...Ful.

Scout.com's Ed Thompson has a live blog running from Indianapolis. As worthless as it is to have a live blog running while guys are weighing-in and talking to the media, it is pro-BOB-ly worth reading if you got that itch.

Press Conferences air live on the NFL Network Friday at 2:30 pm and Saturday and Sunday at 2:00 pm.

Workouts also air live on NFL Network Saturday through Tuesday at 11:00 am.
* Saturday - Offensive Linemen, Tight Ends, and Kickers
* Sunday - Quarterbacks, Running Backs, and Wide Receivers
* Monday - Defensive Lineman and Linebackers
* Tuesday - Corners and Safeties

Good luck to Thomas Brown, Kregg Lumpkin, and Marcus Howard.

The SEC had a solid weekend of nonsense.

* LSU QB Ryan Perrilloux was suspended indefinitely for an undisclosed team violation. Everyone is saying Les Miles should dismiss him from the team, but Miles loves winning so we will see what happens.

* One of the Colquitt Clowns, Tennessee punter Britton, was suspended for the first five games of next season and had his scholarship revoked after a DUI over the weekend. It was reported he had a Zalad in the passenger seat.

* Some Gamecocks including WR Dion Lecorn got busted with a "leafy substance" and were suspended from all team activities indefinitely. Spurrier recruits love two things: weed and shankings.

Then there is this...

Me: "Hey baby! Baby, go home, man! It's 3 o'clock in the morning man, what the fuck are you doing up?"

Baby: "I'm drying my Jean Shorts."



And this Georgia football recruit ballin'...



Update: Chicken Wings & Haters decided today was a good day to talk about crack and Tyrone Biggums as well. Check it. Booyakasha! February 22 - 2:30 am

Debbie Clemens Is A Cheater

Congress is disgracing our great nation with this nonsense.


Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrr...Why did you inject my wife with HGH? I was not at the Canseco party. I'll kill you!

In the meantime...

* The Twins signed Livan Hernandez to a one-year, $5 million contract. National League pitchers can now sleep at night.

* Craig Biggio was hired by the Astros to serve as "a special assistant to general manager Ed Wade, a similar role held by Jeff Bagwell." Awwww...Bigg <3's Bags. They can't quit each other.

* Kevin Mench went back to the Rangers, agreeing to a minor league contract. The Dallas Morning News reports, "the Rangers are in a reunion kind of mood. A week after bringing back Nolan Ryan, the club decided to reunite with Kevin Mench as well." My god, that is some terrible journalism. Here is what happened when Nolan Ryan heard he had just been mentioned in the same sentence as Kevin Mench.

* The Padres avoided arbitration with Khalil Greene and agreed to a two-year deal worth $11 million. It's too bad because here is what the arbitration hearing would have looked like.



* They found Lil Wayne's duffle bag. And it wasn't full of money this time.

* Scientists found a flying Dino-SAUR in China. Here's a photograph Captain Caveman took a few years back.

Update: Photo has been deleted. Here is an artists rendering via: AP. March 19 - 3:00 pm

* And here is some football news to help ease your shakes while you eagerly wait for the Combine. ProFantasySports.com looks at the top receivers and apparently, the Colt Brennan bashing has begun. Actually, Marcus Howard started that in New Orleans a little over a month ago.

Don't Write A Check Yo Ass Can't Cash Congressman

The state of Georgia is in a historic drought. 38,000 acre Lake Lanier is dried up. And now Georgia wants what it rightfully deserves.

Lawmakers Say Part Of Tenn. Belongs To Ga.

The state of Georgia says its "border is supposed to be the 35th parallel, but an 1818 survey put it just about a mile south of there, and they said they want a new survey." If this is true, they would lay claim to a portion of the Tennessee River and this may help solve its water woes.

In response, Tennessee state Rep. Andy Berk issued a challenge. “My first thought was maybe we can settle this over a game of college football, but that would be unfair to the citizens of Georgia.” Seriously? Bring that shit on! We will step on your face with a hobnail boot and break your nose. We will crush your face. Bring your Rocky Top chanting, clipboard-carrying asses to the border and get some! Bring Peyton Manning if you want. It don't effin' matter. Georgia is better than the Patriots. And if you really want to issue a ridiculous challenge like that Congressman, you had better be ready to put your faith in Phil Fulmer's fat donut-eating ass. Believe me when I say that he will find a way to piss away your precious river with field goals and Clausens starting meaningful games for you for six straight years of futility. Go ahead and annex the state of Hawaii over to Georgia while you are at it. Maybe their Samoans and volcanoes can pray to the water gods and give my father his god damn lake back. Fuck you Rep. Berk. Strap your chinstrap up real tight, put on your big boy shoulder pads and get ready to be HIT IN THE MOUTH. Bill Bates style. We will crank dat all over your hillbilly Appalachian faces. Get ready. Set an early bed check and eat plenty of Wheaties because Herschel Walker, David Greene, Sean Jones, and the boys are coming for you and this time it's for realz.

Remember this...bitch!

What do Chris Berman and Project Pat Have in Common? Aunt Jemima Solves the Riddle

Updating My Previous Post: I'm Sorry, Bruce. These Boys Get That Syrup in 'Em, They Get All Antsy in Their Pantsy.

I just found this. Apparently Chris "Triple Deux" Berman loves Codeine as well. Da Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiders.



Be careful Boomer or else you may wind up next to DJ Screw and Pimp C...In the sand, like most of your golf shots this past weekend at the Pebble Beach Pro-Am. God, you were terrible...and sweaty!

Update: This video has been removed by ESPN, but trust me it was hilarious. It was about sneaking Tylenol with Codeine across the Canadian border. February, 13 - 11:30 am

Update: You can find the video and much more here. Thanks Deadspin. February 13 - 2:30 pm

Only 3 Weeks - 21 Days Till...

Pitchers and Catchers Report.

Meanwhile, the Joker danced with the Devil for real and Gibril and the G-Men are playing the Patriots in Super Bowl XLII. Here's some stuff to do instead of - or in between watching the Australian Open, old Fresh Prince episodes, and Super Bowl XXXII (or in my case XXV over and over again) highlights...


* This shtuff from Kissing Suzy Kolber is hitlarjewous.

- 16-0..."Why don’t you go snort some cocaine and drive your car into a telephone pole, you stupid daaaaaa-kie!"

- 17-0..."So fack you, Jagwuhs. Or Jagwiuhs. Or whatever kinda fackin' jungle animal you ahhhh!"

- Super Bowl..."Tommy Brady's droppin tha Hulk Hogan big boot..."

* Go Here (AdultSwim.com) and search for "Carl" or "I'm pissed."

* My boy over at A Tasty Pint has something for all you Cabbagetown Crack Whore lovin' hipsters.

* Ever wonder another name for the E-Brake or Handbrake Turn?

* And here are two videos my sponsor Cadillac has donated for all my thugsta's out there...



"True to the gizzame, stopped in the projects - sold a half an ounce of cocaine. Hit interstate ten, to Texas. Listening to DJ Screw just raised the Lexus. Called up Pimp C..."



"Country Ass Boy. Country like LeAnn Rimes. Mississippi David Banner and Lil Weezyana."

World's Greatest Humanitarian Strikes Again

Adam Jones once again proves he is undoubtedly the World's Greatest Humanitarian. "Bloodied or Bruised? It's your choice." Seems as though, unlike my brother - who surprising and regrettingly chose bloodied, this broad went with the latter.

Sorry Timmy Hardaway. I know you too tried your hardest, no homo, to be a great humanitarian. Between the bi-weekly visits to the soup kitchen and the gay-bashing, it is true - you used to be somebody. But Ben Miller HONE-est-ly, you and your Aesop's fabled crossover have been replaced atop the list for a while now. (By the way, this is an actual card from 1991)


In 2003, I fell in love with a man. Yea, I said it! His name just happened to be Pacman. As a sophomore at West Vag, he was in on every tackle - Gibril Wilson style. He was making plays all over the field on D in addition to returning both punts and kicks. That season, there was a game against Miami, who finished 12-0 and made it to the national championship game, where Pac was THE man. He made every tackle. Miami kept moving Kellen Winslow around, motioning him, lining him up in the slot or out wide and WVU kept manin' him up with Jones. He kept jamming Winslow at the line and they kept talkin shiot and getting SEC-like "MAN" physical - hand to hand, Honor Roll Gangster to Fucking Soldier "we don't care about anybody but this U" combat stylee. He even Pacman Jones'ed a Hoe on Winslow.



Pacman also picked Brock Berlin in the endzone before half.



And after Quincy Wilson broke 3 tackles and then man-destroyed safety Brandon Merriweather on a screen pass and housed it with two minutes to go, it looked like WVU was going to win.



But then Winslow made this ridickilous catch on 4th and 13...



and Miami marched down the field and of course, kicked a go-ahead field goal. And then, got a game-sealing pick from the late Sean Taylor to preserve 22-20 victory and save their national title hopes...and...umm...what's the opposite of save? Willis McGahee's knee.

It's a real shame that Pacman now spits on / five across the eyes bitches on a regular basis. It's kinda hard to like a guy like that. But, at least he is consistent. I think Vince Lombardi or Dan Reeves, or maybe it was Ray Handley who once said CONSISTENCY is the main key to playing winning football.

You Sir, Are a Disgrace to Lord Xenu!

"When Tim Tebow drives past an accident, he's not like anyone else. Yes, he drives past. He knows he has to do something about it because he knows he is the ONLY one who can really help. That's what drives him."



KSW. Vacation? What a lunatic!

"The fifth child of Bob and Pam Tebow, both of whom are University of Florida graduates, Tim was born on August 14, 1987 in the Philippines, where his parents were serving as Christian missionaries. Pam suffered infection with a pathogenic amoeba while pregnant with him, and an abortion was recommended by her doctors."

Via: Tim Tebow's Wikipedia Article

You mean this all could have been avoided? But then, I wouldn't have gotten to see this...


eventually lead to the Tears of Tebow. The QB/all-everything leader of the Power-Spread Galactic Confederacy cries? Lord Xenu would fly you to fucking Mt. Ranier aboard his personal DC-8 and then drop a hydrogen bomb on you if he knew you were such a little girl. Seriously, be careful. Your home of the Philippines is full of volcanoes, isn't it? Were the orphans you saved crying when they realized their parents actually just pretended to take them on a scenic picnic and really had left them to fend for themselves in a Filipino rainforest? I know "it's rough and tumble and it's wild and woolly and it's a blast" out there, but you better get your fuckin thetan level right or go home. LOSER. Tom Cruise even told me you're only slightly less of a loser than Reggie Ball. I had to tell Tom to take it easy. Reggie Ball? Maybe that was taking it a little to far. I even pointed to your national championship and Heisman trophy and pointed out Reggie wearing his UPS delivery uniform. In return, Tom pointed to your tears. And with that, Maverick won the argument. Gosh, that Tom Cruise is convincing. Where do I sign up?

Free Marc Lancaster

This is the photo of an innocent man!

High School Teacher Framed

Albert Clifford Slater Wishes You a Merry Christmas and Brandon Cox Supplies the Gifts...Again

"Years from now no matter where we traveled, We'll all look back and think about our friends."



I don't think Brandon Claus...I mean Cox has to shop this Christmas. He already threw 8 gifts under the tree.

Cheap Abortion

Dude, age 15, was playing football at a Boys & Girls Club in the great Broward County, Florida, when his pregnant female friend, apparently playing the Y-receiver position, walked up to him and was probably complaining about how hungry she was or Keyshawning about not getting the ball enough. So he did what any great sandlot leader would do when they see the SAM linebacker blitzing while the D is showing Cover 2, and called called a pre-snap audible. He tapped his head twice to indicate a 2-Route. Slot receiver. Quick slant. Just like Marino taught him down there in South Florida. Well, the kid is only 15...so...just like Jay Fiedler taught him. The ball hit the bitch right in the numbers and she dropped it like it was a crying toddler.

Once again, this kid is a natural leader. So he clapped his hands, patted her on the butt, and told her she would get another chance. Every 15-year-old girl makes mistakes. Especially this one. I mean she is pregnant for fuck's sake. Showing great faith in his teammate, the girl he has been going to war with day in and day out at that Ft. Lauderdale Boys & Girls Club, he calls her number again on the next play. Bunch formation. Bubble screen. All we need is 4 yards. With blockers set up, he unleashes an Elway-esque cannon right at her stomach. The result...Dead baby! Homicide?

It turns out the kid actually Roger Stau-borted this poor girls unborn baby. He hit her in the stomach with a football...Twice!!! And this tragically induced a premature labor. Now the boy is being taken to court as if he is the next Mike Vick. It's not like he killed a dog. He showed great trust in a teammate...in a friend. And this is how he gets rewarded? Unbelievable.

Source: Football Hits Pregnant Teen, Baby Dies