Old Man Clemens Hates Azalea's. He Called the Azalea's "Flowers." This is the Best Night of My Life!

Photo Courtesy: GlendaleGolfs.com

It's almost here. Hootie Johnson is getting laid tonight.

Don't You Know I'm A Super-Being, Holmes?

What a way for a true American to spend a Wednesday afternoon. That was one of the most asinine, outrageously filthy, "I'll do what I need to do to win because I'm the Greatest Human Being on the Planet" performances that I have ever seen.

Down three with five holes to play at the WGC-Accenture Match Play, Tiger was frustrated and J.B. Holmes was well on his way to a memorable upset and a surprising trip to the Second Round. Then out of nowhere, Tiger decided he'd go birdie, birdie, birdie on 14, 15, and 16 including the skraight drainage of a putts from 15 and 18 feet. No big deal. All square at 17, Tiger was in the rough and about 300 yards away. "Stevie, how about a 5-wood!" Is this friggin' guy serious? Super-Being proceeds to hammer it out of the rough and onto the green in two. Unreal. That shot was followed by a 35-foot eagle drain and Tiger was somehow up one heading to the tee at 18. Holmes was left to wonder, "How the eff did that just happen?" and missed an 8-footer on the 18th green that would have extended that match. And there I was, just sitting there, shaking my head in disbelief, in awe and wonderment. A freakin' 5-wood! From there?

Oh yeah, 31 other guys also won. And 31 bums lost. But seriously, who really cares about them?



That blast off the tee at Doral is my favorite.

A Candy Painted Countdown to the Masters.

A Tradition Unlike Any Other

In case you were wondering how long till Tiger pwn3s the field, Greg Norman throws up a Sunday 78, and Jim Nantz waxes poetic about the blooms on the dogwoods and azaleas, here you go.



"Just when you think you can't wait any longer, you can, and UCONN" join Gary McCord as a patron in Augusta. Unless you are a woman. In that case, GET OUT! I am talking to you Michelle Wie. Go visit Colt Brennan in the hospital. Or better yet, go join Martha Burk on the picket line. Sometimes Hootie Johnson is crazy and you wonder why. He's such a baby cause the Dolphins make him cry. Well, there's nothing he can do...He only wants to be with you. You can call him your fool. Only wants to be with you.