You Sir, Are a Disgrace to Lord Xenu!

"When Tim Tebow drives past an accident, he's not like anyone else. Yes, he drives past. He knows he has to do something about it because he knows he is the ONLY one who can really help. That's what drives him."



KSW. Vacation? What a lunatic!

"The fifth child of Bob and Pam Tebow, both of whom are University of Florida graduates, Tim was born on August 14, 1987 in the Philippines, where his parents were serving as Christian missionaries. Pam suffered infection with a pathogenic amoeba while pregnant with him, and an abortion was recommended by her doctors."

Via: Tim Tebow's Wikipedia Article

You mean this all could have been avoided? But then, I wouldn't have gotten to see this...


eventually lead to the Tears of Tebow. The QB/all-everything leader of the Power-Spread Galactic Confederacy cries? Lord Xenu would fly you to fucking Mt. Ranier aboard his personal DC-8 and then drop a hydrogen bomb on you if he knew you were such a little girl. Seriously, be careful. Your home of the Philippines is full of volcanoes, isn't it? Were the orphans you saved crying when they realized their parents actually just pretended to take them on a scenic picnic and really had left them to fend for themselves in a Filipino rainforest? I know "it's rough and tumble and it's wild and woolly and it's a blast" out there, but you better get your fuckin thetan level right or go home. LOSER. Tom Cruise even told me you're only slightly less of a loser than Reggie Ball. I had to tell Tom to take it easy. Reggie Ball? Maybe that was taking it a little to far. I even pointed to your national championship and Heisman trophy and pointed out Reggie wearing his UPS delivery uniform. In return, Tom pointed to your tears. And with that, Maverick won the argument. Gosh, that Tom Cruise is convincing. Where do I sign up?

Cheap Abortion

Dude, age 15, was playing football at a Boys & Girls Club in the great Broward County, Florida, when his pregnant female friend, apparently playing the Y-receiver position, walked up to him and was probably complaining about how hungry she was or Keyshawning about not getting the ball enough. So he did what any great sandlot leader would do when they see the SAM linebacker blitzing while the D is showing Cover 2, and called called a pre-snap audible. He tapped his head twice to indicate a 2-Route. Slot receiver. Quick slant. Just like Marino taught him down there in South Florida. Well, the kid is only 15...so...just like Jay Fiedler taught him. The ball hit the bitch right in the numbers and she dropped it like it was a crying toddler.

Once again, this kid is a natural leader. So he clapped his hands, patted her on the butt, and told her she would get another chance. Every 15-year-old girl makes mistakes. Especially this one. I mean she is pregnant for fuck's sake. Showing great faith in his teammate, the girl he has been going to war with day in and day out at that Ft. Lauderdale Boys & Girls Club, he calls her number again on the next play. Bunch formation. Bubble screen. All we need is 4 yards. With blockers set up, he unleashes an Elway-esque cannon right at her stomach. The result...Dead baby! Homicide?

It turns out the kid actually Roger Stau-borted this poor girls unborn baby. He hit her in the stomach with a football...Twice!!! And this tragically induced a premature labor. Now the boy is being taken to court as if he is the next Mike Vick. It's not like he killed a dog. He showed great trust in a teammate...in a friend. And this is how he gets rewarded? Unbelievable.

Source: Football Hits Pregnant Teen, Baby Dies