David Eckstein Primed for Huge Season

A woman in Kentucky gave birth to a baby. No big deal, right? Well, it turns out the baby is already as big as her mother. Hwaaaahhh? You may be confused, but don't worry. If David Eckstein can win a World Series MVP, anything is possible. This friggin' guy is a two-time All-Star, a two-time World Series champion, and finished 11th in the 2002 AL MVP voting. So it is no surprise that a 28 1/2 inch woman who cruises around all day in a tricked-out Hoveround birthed a comparatively giant baby. Watch the video.

Eddie Gaedel rolled over in his grave and came storming through Kevin Costner's cornfield when he heard this story. I mean, wouldn't you feel slighted if they chose Moonlight Graham to be the focal point of an American movie classic instead of you. At least Eddie has a 1.000 OBP. What the fuck did Archie Graham ever do? Stand on deck with a donut on his bat? Wow! 3 foot 7 and full of fury, Eddie Gaedel killed Ray Kinsella, his whiny daughter, and their imaginary friends while they slept quietly in their rural Iowa home.

I know I already have Hanley Ramirez, but eff it. I'm taking David Eckstein with the first pick in my fantasy draft because God has shown me that 2008 is the year of the little people.

Save Your $10. I've Got Your Thursday Crack Fix...College Football

The NFL Combine is here. Today we got to watch Offensive Linemen and Tight Ends weigh-in wearing only their underwear, and it was Awes...Ful.

Scout.com's Ed Thompson has a live blog running from Indianapolis. As worthless as it is to have a live blog running while guys are weighing-in and talking to the media, it is pro-BOB-ly worth reading if you got that itch.

Press Conferences air live on the NFL Network Friday at 2:30 pm and Saturday and Sunday at 2:00 pm.

Workouts also air live on NFL Network Saturday through Tuesday at 11:00 am.
* Saturday - Offensive Linemen, Tight Ends, and Kickers
* Sunday - Quarterbacks, Running Backs, and Wide Receivers
* Monday - Defensive Lineman and Linebackers
* Tuesday - Corners and Safeties

Good luck to Thomas Brown, Kregg Lumpkin, and Marcus Howard.

The SEC had a solid weekend of nonsense.

* LSU QB Ryan Perrilloux was suspended indefinitely for an undisclosed team violation. Everyone is saying Les Miles should dismiss him from the team, but Miles loves winning so we will see what happens.

* One of the Colquitt Clowns, Tennessee punter Britton, was suspended for the first five games of next season and had his scholarship revoked after a DUI over the weekend. It was reported he had a Zalad in the passenger seat.

* Some Gamecocks including WR Dion Lecorn got busted with a "leafy substance" and were suspended from all team activities indefinitely. Spurrier recruits love two things: weed and shankings.

Then there is this...

Me: "Hey baby! Baby, go home, man! It's 3 o'clock in the morning man, what the fuck are you doing up?"

Baby: "I'm drying my Jean Shorts."



And this Georgia football recruit ballin'...



Update: Chicken Wings & Haters decided today was a good day to talk about crack and Tyrone Biggums as well. Check it. Booyakasha! February 22 - 2:30 am

Youssif's Dad Traded After All - Meaning This Kidd Will Get Some Much Deserved Facetime

After a bunch of circumspection, the Mavericks and New Jersey Nets have completed the trade that will send PG Jason Kidd and his unfortunate son to Dallas. The completed deal sends Kidd, G/F Antoine Wright, and F Malik Allen to the Mavs in exchange for G Devin Harris, C DeSagana Diop, Maurice Ager (who I guess plays the 2, although I am not really sure if he actually plays at all), F Trenton Hassell, Keith Van Horn's coffin, two future first-round draft picks, and $3 million. Between expiring contracts and the salary cap, NBA trades are mostly ridiculous and this one was especially complicated with the Devean George mess, Stackhouse admitting to looking forward to thirty days of rest, and the swapping of retired players and dead bodies. But it got done. And now the Nets get their point guard of the future and some first-round picks, and the Mavs get the guy who can potentially lead them to a championship. Everyone should happy. Especially this Kidd...



Poor TJ. Sitting baseline, he got a little too close to the Suns. A frightened spectator and obvious NBA Jam fan shouted, "He's on Fire!" And just like that, his life changed forever. It's all good though. I hear Dallas has some of the best medical facilities in the world. Get Well Soon lil' Kidd. We look forward to seeing you pre-game ballin' on the American Airlines Center floor in no time.

Is This Necessary Anymore?

As I was driving down a familiar residential area today, I noticed this sign...


And I realized that I drive by this sign every day, yet I never once have seen a child. I HAVE been watching, but I can't find a one. I thought about all of the possible reasons why children are so hard to find. Maybe a convicted sex offender moved into the neighborhood. Maybe they are playing the greatest non-sports related game EVAR that we used to play as kids...We called it "Cars Can't See Us." It's pretty self-explanatory, but it was so awesome - throwing yourself in bushes, hiding under parked cars, jumping fences, stealing the neighborhood ginger's hiding spot. Or Maybe the sign was put up in 1979 and the children have just grown up and evolved into productive members of society. But then, wouldn't at least some of them have their own children playing?


The sad truth is...kids jus ta'int playing outside anymore. Between the intraweb, XBOX Live, Rockband, WoW, and 350 channels of television entertainment, the youth has shit to do inside...Rain or Shine. And that sucks. We had Nintendo, Genesis, and HBO, but we still played outside all day everyday. We played in the woods. We rode bikes. We played intense games of Wiffle Ball, and you better believe we kept stats. We broke windows with line drives off wiffle ball bats using tennis balls. We were Barry Sandersin' folks with NERF balls. Backyard football, football in the street, in the snow, it didn't matter. We played football games with three people called QB/Reciever/DB. We built forts and tree houses. We played tag, flashlight tag, hide n' seek in the dark. We played kickball. We made up games with rubber basketballs and wiffle ball bats and called it BoccieBall because we didn't care for the real Italian version. We played basketball in the rain, snow, cold, 100-degree heat, and under the lights at night - with good hoops, double rims, wooden goal posts, plastic backboards, crappy hoops, goals filled with sand and water. We played pick-up BBall at the park and gym - Horse, Around-the-World, and made up two-person games like "Splash." One-on-One, Two-on-Two, Three-on-Three, half court, full court. We shot each other with bee bee guns and paint balls. We squirted each first with lame-ass hand gun water guns, then with SuperSoakers. We went crazy on Slip-n-Slides and Crocodile Miles. We went swimming. We made up games to play in the pool. We played water polo. We played Marco Polo...



We went fishing. We went to the pond to catch turtles and frogs. We threw rocks and "dirtbombs" at each other. We played more kickball...a lot more. We played street and roller hockey. Someone took one for the team and strapped on the goalie pads and got abused. We got in fights...bloody ones. We skated on frozen ponds and played pick-up hockey games on ice. We ran in the skreets. We played "Smear the Queer" and fake-ass versions of rugby. We played catch and games we called "grounders" and "one hops" - first to miss three lost. We threw baseballs against cement walls. We played "Pickle." We climbed trees. We played wall ball and dodge ball. We built snow forts, had snowball fights, and went sledding. At night, we just ran around till we got tired. We went to the park and played on playgrounds, and swing sets, and the infamous monkey bars. Sometimes we just slept outside. And I'm talking about girls too.

But today, I'm not really sure what kids do. I'm sure they do some of these things, but all that I am saying is that I am done "watching for them" and even slowing down for them. If anything, I'm gonna speed up before they run inside and I miss my chance of seeing them. So if I run over a kid or two, I'm sorry. Don't punish me but rather, thank me for finding these rascals. I should get a prize - or something. A high-five, hand-job, buy one get one free coupon...Something.