Is This Necessary Anymore?

As I was driving down a familiar residential area today, I noticed this sign...


And I realized that I drive by this sign every day, yet I never once have seen a child. I HAVE been watching, but I can't find a one. I thought about all of the possible reasons why children are so hard to find. Maybe a convicted sex offender moved into the neighborhood. Maybe they are playing the greatest non-sports related game EVAR that we used to play as kids...We called it "Cars Can't See Us." It's pretty self-explanatory, but it was so awesome - throwing yourself in bushes, hiding under parked cars, jumping fences, stealing the neighborhood ginger's hiding spot. Or Maybe the sign was put up in 1979 and the children have just grown up and evolved into productive members of society. But then, wouldn't at least some of them have their own children playing?


The sad truth is...kids jus ta'int playing outside anymore. Between the intraweb, XBOX Live, Rockband, WoW, and 350 channels of television entertainment, the youth has shit to do inside...Rain or Shine. And that sucks. We had Nintendo, Genesis, and HBO, but we still played outside all day everyday. We played in the woods. We rode bikes. We played intense games of Wiffle Ball, and you better believe we kept stats. We broke windows with line drives off wiffle ball bats using tennis balls. We were Barry Sandersin' folks with NERF balls. Backyard football, football in the street, in the snow, it didn't matter. We played football games with three people called QB/Reciever/DB. We built forts and tree houses. We played tag, flashlight tag, hide n' seek in the dark. We played kickball. We made up games with rubber basketballs and wiffle ball bats and called it BoccieBall because we didn't care for the real Italian version. We played basketball in the rain, snow, cold, 100-degree heat, and under the lights at night - with good hoops, double rims, wooden goal posts, plastic backboards, crappy hoops, goals filled with sand and water. We played pick-up BBall at the park and gym - Horse, Around-the-World, and made up two-person games like "Splash." One-on-One, Two-on-Two, Three-on-Three, half court, full court. We shot each other with bee bee guns and paint balls. We squirted each first with lame-ass hand gun water guns, then with SuperSoakers. We went crazy on Slip-n-Slides and Crocodile Miles. We went swimming. We made up games to play in the pool. We played water polo. We played Marco Polo...



We went fishing. We went to the pond to catch turtles and frogs. We threw rocks and "dirtbombs" at each other. We played more kickball...a lot more. We played street and roller hockey. Someone took one for the team and strapped on the goalie pads and got abused. We got in fights...bloody ones. We skated on frozen ponds and played pick-up hockey games on ice. We ran in the skreets. We played "Smear the Queer" and fake-ass versions of rugby. We played catch and games we called "grounders" and "one hops" - first to miss three lost. We threw baseballs against cement walls. We played "Pickle." We climbed trees. We played wall ball and dodge ball. We built snow forts, had snowball fights, and went sledding. At night, we just ran around till we got tired. We went to the park and played on playgrounds, and swing sets, and the infamous monkey bars. Sometimes we just slept outside. And I'm talking about girls too.

But today, I'm not really sure what kids do. I'm sure they do some of these things, but all that I am saying is that I am done "watching for them" and even slowing down for them. If anything, I'm gonna speed up before they run inside and I miss my chance of seeing them. So if I run over a kid or two, I'm sorry. Don't punish me but rather, thank me for finding these rascals. I should get a prize - or something. A high-five, hand-job, buy one get one free coupon...Something.

Pimp My Friends

Since I am receiving about 400,000 hits a day, I think it is only right that I pimp out my homies...

A Tasty Pint

Chicken Wings & Haters

Pickles Baseball

SB's and Tuxedo T's

And buy some Pickles Merchandise while you're at it.

You guys can thank me later.

Daddy, Uncle Trevor Touched Me

ESPN the Magazine's Tom Friend wrote a great article and suprisingly, it is actually about baseball and not misrememberences.

It's about these guys...


Now them is some badasses!

Debbie Clemens Is A Cheater

Congress is disgracing our great nation with this nonsense.


Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrr...Why did you inject my wife with HGH? I was not at the Canseco party. I'll kill you!

In the meantime...

* The Twins signed Livan Hernandez to a one-year, $5 million contract. National League pitchers can now sleep at night.

* Craig Biggio was hired by the Astros to serve as "a special assistant to general manager Ed Wade, a similar role held by Jeff Bagwell." Awwww...Bigg <3's Bags. They can't quit each other.

* Kevin Mench went back to the Rangers, agreeing to a minor league contract. The Dallas Morning News reports, "the Rangers are in a reunion kind of mood. A week after bringing back Nolan Ryan, the club decided to reunite with Kevin Mench as well." My god, that is some terrible journalism. Here is what happened when Nolan Ryan heard he had just been mentioned in the same sentence as Kevin Mench.

* The Padres avoided arbitration with Khalil Greene and agreed to a two-year deal worth $11 million. It's too bad because here is what the arbitration hearing would have looked like.



* They found Lil Wayne's duffle bag. And it wasn't full of money this time.

* Scientists found a flying Dino-SAUR in China. Here's a photograph Captain Caveman took a few years back.

Update: Photo has been deleted. Here is an artists rendering via: AP. March 19 - 3:00 pm

* And here is some football news to help ease your shakes while you eagerly wait for the Combine. ProFantasySports.com looks at the top receivers and apparently, the Colt Brennan bashing has begun. Actually, Marcus Howard started that in New Orleans a little over a month ago.

Don't Write A Check Yo Ass Can't Cash Congressman

The state of Georgia is in a historic drought. 38,000 acre Lake Lanier is dried up. And now Georgia wants what it rightfully deserves.

Lawmakers Say Part Of Tenn. Belongs To Ga.

The state of Georgia says its "border is supposed to be the 35th parallel, but an 1818 survey put it just about a mile south of there, and they said they want a new survey." If this is true, they would lay claim to a portion of the Tennessee River and this may help solve its water woes.

In response, Tennessee state Rep. Andy Berk issued a challenge. “My first thought was maybe we can settle this over a game of college football, but that would be unfair to the citizens of Georgia.” Seriously? Bring that shit on! We will step on your face with a hobnail boot and break your nose. We will crush your face. Bring your Rocky Top chanting, clipboard-carrying asses to the border and get some! Bring Peyton Manning if you want. It don't effin' matter. Georgia is better than the Patriots. And if you really want to issue a ridiculous challenge like that Congressman, you had better be ready to put your faith in Phil Fulmer's fat donut-eating ass. Believe me when I say that he will find a way to piss away your precious river with field goals and Clausens starting meaningful games for you for six straight years of futility. Go ahead and annex the state of Hawaii over to Georgia while you are at it. Maybe their Samoans and volcanoes can pray to the water gods and give my father his god damn lake back. Fuck you Rep. Berk. Strap your chinstrap up real tight, put on your big boy shoulder pads and get ready to be HIT IN THE MOUTH. Bill Bates style. We will crank dat all over your hillbilly Appalachian faces. Get ready. Set an early bed check and eat plenty of Wheaties because Herschel Walker, David Greene, Sean Jones, and the boys are coming for you and this time it's for realz.

Remember this...bitch!

What do Chris Berman and Project Pat Have in Common? Aunt Jemima Solves the Riddle

Updating My Previous Post: I'm Sorry, Bruce. These Boys Get That Syrup in 'Em, They Get All Antsy in Their Pantsy.

I just found this. Apparently Chris "Triple Deux" Berman loves Codeine as well. Da Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiders.



Be careful Boomer or else you may wind up next to DJ Screw and Pimp C...In the sand, like most of your golf shots this past weekend at the Pebble Beach Pro-Am. God, you were terrible...and sweaty!

Update: This video has been removed by ESPN, but trust me it was hilarious. It was about sneaking Tylenol with Codeine across the Canadian border. February, 13 - 11:30 am

Update: You can find the video and much more here. Thanks Deadspin. February 13 - 2:30 pm

Hockey In the News Today...Finally

This guy got traded...



The Eastern Conference leading Ottawa Senators aqcuired that guy, Mike Commodore and F Cory Stillman from the Hurricanes for F Patrick Eaves and D Joe Corvo. The Hurricanes are currently in 10th place in the east, three points out the final playoff spot and Stillman has 56 points and Commodore has the sweetest get-up in human history. But apparently the Senators need more help and Hurricanes GM Jim Rutherford said, "We're very happy to address one of our needs, making our defense more mobile and adding a player like Joe that can play on the power play. Also, we view Patrick as a real character player, a real good young player that can fit into our style of play."

Stillman had to waive his no-trade clause. Wow, do I wanna play for the best team in the league and defending conference champions in one of the best hockey cities around or do I want to play in North Carolina...Raliegh, North Carolina...for a 10th place team? Tough choice. I know his heart was really in Carolina, along with the tobacco, bootleggers, and racists. I hope he can get over it by bangin' hockey-crazy broads in Canada, hunting giant moose, and sippin out of the Cup come June.

Ohh yeah...This guy got his neck sliced open too.

Baseball...So Close I Can Smell It.

Nails woke up today, threw in a chaw and started tellin' tales of the good ole days. So I thought it was a good time to start talking baseball. Anyone who knows me knows that baseball is my life and I plan on going Cadillac crazy with baseball talk.

Fuck the Mitchell Report!

Let's look at what really happened this off-season.

* A-Rod opted out and then slapped his free-agency papers out of Scott Boras' hands and re-signed with the Yankees for 10 years and $275 mil. Championship!

* The Braves traded SS Edgar Renteria to Detroit for RHP Jair Jurrjens and 20-year-old OF prospect Gorkys Hernandez. The Tigers also acquired 3Beast Miguel Cabrera and P Dontrelle Willis from the Marlins for LHP Andrew Miller, OF Cameron Maybin, C Mike Rabelo, and prospects Eulogio de la Cruz, Dallas Trahern and Burke Badenhop.

* The Twins had a busy off-season. First they traded RHP Matt Garza, INF Jason Bartlett, and AA RHP Eduardo Morlan to the Rays for OF Delmon Young, INF Brendan Harris, and AAA OF Jason Pridie. Then after overplaying their hands with the Yankees and Red Sox, traded their ace, LHP Johan Santana to the Mets for prospects OF Carlos Gomez, RHP Philip Humber, RHP Kevin Mulvey, and 18-year-old RHP Deolis Guerra. The Mets then gave Johan a six-year $137.5 million contract.

* The Orioles traded LHP Erik Bedard for OF Adam Jones, loogy George Sherrill, and minor-league pitchers Tony Butler, Chris Tillman and Kam Mickolio.

These were all interesting moves for me and my fantasy team. I am in a keeper league and have Jurrjens, Willis, Miller, Maybin, Humber, Bedard, and Jones on my roster. I also have Phil Hughes who was part of the Yankees proposed package for Santana. So needless to say, I too had a busy off-season.

* The Yankees also did something they never do and locked up my favorite player Robbie Cano to a long-term deal and the Rockies locked up the Derek Jeter lovin Troy Tulowitzki.

I will eventually analyze all of these trades and tell you what they mean, but for know enjoy my boy Hanley. The Best Player...wait for it...in all of baseball!

I'm Sorry, Bruce. These Boys Get That Syrup in 'Em, They Get All Antsy in Their Pantsy

There is currently a drug epidemic in the United States that many people have absolutely no idea about. According to Wikipedia, the drug is known as Purple drank, but from my experiences it is best known as Sizzurp or Syrup. Liquid Friggin' Codeine. You are pro-BOB-ly asking yourself, "How serious can this be?"

This is huge in the southern rap scene, especially in Houston where DJ Screw was known for two things. The first was slowing down tracks of a cut when he was mixing them. Anyone who knows about Three Six Mafia knows what I am talking about. And if you don't know about the Triple Six ummm...killa's, then you need to do some research. I mean, we have been bumpin that shit since middle school around here. No 8th Grade party was complete without some 3-6. The next was that...dat Syrup.

Anyway, DJ Screw, UGK (Pimp C and Bun B), Three Six, Z-Ro, Project Pat, Lil Wayne, etc. started rapping about Sippin on that Sizzurp. And then people who listened to this stuff, began trying to get their hands on liquid codeine. And I guess, they began realizing that it isn't really that difficult to do. God knows I have seen my fair share of this stuff. If I were a real journalist, I would probably attempt to write a story about this because anyone outside of this particular music scene is most likely unaware of the severity of the problem.


DJ Screw, the so called originator of the "purple scene," died from a codeine overdose in 2000 after releasing discs and mix-tapes with classic titles such as "Codeine Fiend," "Sippin' Codeine," and "Syrup Sippers." Then Big Moe, creator of classic CD's "City of Syrup" and "Purple World" died of an overdose in October of 2007. And on December 4, 2007, everyone's favorite Pimp...C, was found dead in a West Hollywood hotel. I'll give you one guess how he died.

Naturally, my first question is how much of this shit do you have to consume before Barney starts singing Enter Sandman and you are comatose? I always knew what Lil Wayne was talking about when he said he liked his Sprite Easter pink. But just look at these retards making "Lean." Are these guys drinking this shit nonstop like that one annoying guy who carries his water bottle around all day? Wake up. Drink some Sprite. Take shower. Drink more Sprite. Go to Work. Smoke Blunt. Check Blackberry. Drink more Sprite. Pass out. Never wake up again. Sounds fun.

In 2006, Terrence Kiel, who at the time was the San Diego Chargers starting safety, was arrested at the team facility for felony possession of codeine-based cough syrup with the intent to distribute. Kiel is from Texas and played at Texas A&M and was also tryin' to make that lean.

In case you are wondering here is the recipe...

"-Promethazine w/Codeine VC <- Sizzurp (active ingredient)
-Original Sprite Soda <- Mixing ingredient (although different flavors of sprite are now used, such as sprite remix)
-Jolly rancher candy <- Flavor additive"

I don't really have much to add to this issue other than that this shit is ridiculous and I thought that I should at least let people know what is going on in the world today or else you will keep walking around with a blind eye...Looking both ways before you cross the street, drinking your Starbuck's mocha-fagga-lotta, reading the New York Times, and failing to see what the hell is really going on in the world. Unless, of course, you watch Fox News because they report and you decide.

Bun
Uploaded by skaybn

Can't Spell Destiny without a NY. Boston Sucks! Eighteen and One. How 'Bout Them Apples.

2007 New York Champion Giants - Greatest Team Ever?

Watching Tom Brady play Super Bowl XLII from his back will forever be one of the greatest memories of my life. Joe Montana had just driven his team 80 yards and had hit Jerry Rice in the end zone for the go-ahead TD with 2:50 remaining. Then, little Awkward Elisha Manning marched onto the field and put together one of the greatest drives in football history. Former Pro-Bowler David Tyree made what is apparently the defining catch of the the history of the league. Then defensive Genius Bill Belichick decided to go Cover Zero and bring seven. I understand you are in the Red Zone, but no safety help...Really? Seriously? Plax, playing the X, gave a little slant move, Ellis Hobbs sat on it and got abused on a fade. "17 Go Get It." G-Men 17. Boston Patriots Failure. Losers.

I hope there are enough ShamWows still available to soak up all of the chowdery tears that you bean-eating arrogant Boston folk have shed. "Eighteen and One!"

Eli Manning is wishing upon a star, while Gisele is consoling a teary-eyed failure. Peyton was Tiger Sunday fist-pumping for his little bro. Shockey was advertising his G-Shock watch and simultaneously triple fisting a Budweiser, Margarita, and glass o Boxed Wine. Gibril got his ring. Strahan solidified one of the greatest careers of all-time. Madison Hedgecock called the Rams and personally thanked them for cutting him after Week 1. Domenik Hixon became the first player in NFL history to paralyze someone and win a Lombardi Trophy in the same season. I think he owes Kevin Everett his ring. Tiki got a text that said "What now biatch? <3 Your Pal Eli - Champion. Leader. From: Eli AM 12:36 2/4/08," then he called Ronde and asked if he could touch his trophy. Archie j'd off into a jar and froze his super-sperm just in case. Lawrence Taylor relapsed. I burned some mattresses and flipped some Cadillacs. Scotty Norwood woke up in a cold sweat from a nightmare and rolled off the wide right side of his bed. Joe "Willie" Namath finally got his kiss from Suzy. Randy Moss began negotiating a new contract to be payed in Straight Cash Homie. Welker's getting Whiter. Belichick already began thinking about his #7 Overall Draft Pick while sleeping under a bridge with a shopping cart full of cut-up hoodies. Big Papi spilled his milkshake. Curt Schilling threw away his Tedy Bear Bruschi jersey. Bill Simmoms hates life. And Carl rejoiced. What a great fucking day.

Super Bowl Champions - You can't ever take that away. Just ask Don Shula, John Madden, and Charile Batch.